Five years and thousands of dollars later, they still get my name wrong

Did you hear the distant rumbling on Saturday? It was faint, but it was distinct. It was the world changing.

Well my world at least.

As of two days ago, I’m officially a college graduate. No more going to class with out showering, no more counting pudding as a balanced meal, no more pretending that I know what I’m talking about for 20 or more pages.

No more.

People are often asking me if I walked. I did. It was an interesting experience.

They one email I did get about stuff (way back in February, thanks guys) said we were supposed to gather on the quad at 8:30. I may be perpetually late for class, but for work and meetings and stuff I deem important, I’m usually pretty punctual. I rocked up about twenty after. There were maybe 50 people there, only 3 at the spot for the College of Science.

On another note, it was really cold, windy and snowed a little. Those robes are not insulated at all and have no pockets. Basically everyone just stood around and wished their hands weren’t so cold.

It was about this time I realized I had to pee. Not a big deal. I figured I’ve had to pee during most of the important events in my life so far, why should my college graduation be in different?

"It shouldn’t" is the firm answer my bladder gave me.

As more and more people started to show up, I noticed that I didn’t know any of them. I was concerned why I was the only computer science major on the field. Was there a special graduation for us online? Was there some major project that was due in a few hours that I had completely forgotten? Was there a LAN party in the CS labs that I didn’t get invited to?

Eventually I just relaxed and realized that most computer science majors were in that particular field so that they wouldn’t have to walk through nature, especially when it’s cold, windy or early.

We then walked across campus to the Spectrum for the commencement ceremony.

I don’t know why I was so nervous walking that sidewalk I’d traveled many times before, I think it had something to do with the fact that I’d never worn a pointy hat and dress in front of that many people before.

This year BYU had Vice President Dick Cheney for their commencement speaker. We had a reverend from Salt Lake. Not as famous but a lot less controversial. He did a good job, talking a lot about the opportunities and responsibilities we will have in the future to share our time, talents and treasure with the community.

He later specified that the latter meant sometimes donating to the university when they called and asked for money.

I think they told him to say that.

I’m sure I’m not the first person to make this observation but as I was sitting there, I couldn’t help but notice that the higher ups on the stand kinda looked like wizards in their colorful robes and funny hats and all.

I also thought they looked like high ranking KKK members, but I figured, “you look like you can turn me into a frog,” would go over better than “You look like you hate black people.”

All in all, I’m glad I did it.

The commencement thing, the jury’s still out on college. We’ll see how this whole grown up life deal turns out.

I don't know what ado means either

Part of the fun of being married the the world's cutest foreigner is that I get to learn the English language all over again through teaching it to her. It's fun, although sometimes I have to admit that I don't know as much about my native language as I would think.

For example, today, I realized I don't know what a pass is. Like if there were ever some bad guys getting away, and it fell to me to "cut them off at the pass," I would have to just stand where I was and hope that I was already there.

Geek on.

We all know that green is the bad boy of the colors

So they ran a "meet the editors" thing in the paper today. Not my idea but not my section.

It was very colorful. Mine was on pastel blue.

The manliest of the pastels.

Geek on.

It's never sexy when you know the truth

Guys, if you ever hear a female say to another that she has a nick rack, she’s talking about the vast number of towels she has displayed in an artistic fashion.

Geek on

Deoderat Showers FTW

I have a secret.

Lean in close and I’ll tell you.

I didn’t shower this morning. Can you tell?

Actually I’m really mad at myself. My new year’s resolution this year was to shower everyday before I go to work/class and I made it until today. 3 months and change is pretty good but I was so close.

I used to skip my morning shower all the time. I figured the 20 minutes was better spent sleeping than making myself not smell like cesspool. Some days I loved it. I was like a spy. I had a secret and I couldn’t let anyone get close to me or they’d find out. Most days though without a shower to truly wake me up, I’d just stagger around like some walking corpse: The undead – or, more accurately, the unwashed.

Anyway, today’s the one day a week I can get away with it so it’s ok. I’ll get some brains, I mean soap, working for me later.

Geek on.

Pre-emptive Critic: Music and Lyrics

Peanut butter and jelly. Surf and Turf

Some things just go together. I’m hoping that “Music and Lyrics” and my eyes aren’t one of them.

I don’t like it because it’s a romantic comedy about an odd couple. I hate those. The only good movie about an odd couple was “The Odd Couple.”

Plus there’s just something about Hugh Grant macking on Demi Moore that gives me the heebies with just a touch of jeebies.
After Moore flashed her “music and lyrics” to David Letterman so many years ago, she’s been trying to shake her whore image. Now she’s paired up with Grant who ever since shaking a whore has been trying to save his career.

This combination just doesn’t work for me. It’s like cheese and breakfast cereal, it just doesn’t work.

And if by some weird chance it does, it shouldn’t.

I pre-emptively hate this movie.

Playing Command and Conquer doesn't count I'm afraid

So I'm supposed to be writing a column about the military, but I don't really know that much about the real miltary. All I really know if what my uncle Mike has told me over the years and I'm sure he, being an Air Force man, has a little bais in that direction.

I’ll admit I’m not very familiar with the military that fights today’s wars. I am however really familiar with the military that fought in the conflict known as the Star Wars.

I’ve just been informed I’m not allowed to write a column about how what this country really needs to get out of Iraq is our own Death Star.

Of course, a Death Star is pretty much my answer to every problem.

Professor: Mr. Shinney would you like to turn your final project in?

Me: (brandishing a remote menacingly) Would you like some Death Star to the face?

Professor: You get an A.

Me: (continues to brandish)

Professor: I meant two As. Three. Four As and the naked female class mate of your choosing!

Geek on.