Well it was bound to happen sooner or later. I have myself another nemesis.
Yep, the guy at the who butted in front of me in line for Spiderman 2 and my grade school bus driver, Mrs. Henderson (also known as Mrs. Hendersucks) now have company as the most hated people in my life.
I know I tend to write a lot about the dentist. There's just something about having to sit still for a half hour that leads to a lot of introspection. It's either think, or listen to Afternoon Delight four times so this is what you get.
My last dentist appointment was during my lunch hour. Which is lame because my lunch periods are usually spent being happy that I'm not working, not being sad and wishing I was working.
I kept putting off actually leaving and trying to find things for me to do. It was the most productive I'd been in months.
Unfortunately when the time came that I could no longer put off leaving, disaster struck.
It was about half way to the dentist's office that I realized that in my hurry, I had forgotten to brush my teeth. I was going to let some one go digging around in my mouth without at least trying to get rid of the Oreos I had for lunch and covering the smell of my breakfast taco with something more minty.
Dental journals generally refer to this as a dick move.
Seriously it's kinda like having some one come over to fix your toilet but not flushing first.
I felt bad about it. I really did. I looked everywhere for a mint or some gum or anything to kind of cover up the smell with but all I could find was a dried old french fry and that didn't help much.
It tasted good though.
As I sat there, waiting for my great shame to be discovered, I start to rationalize. Maybe this wasn't that bad. Maybe the dentist would appreciate someone not being all anal about cleaning up before they came in.
Then again should could just find some new metal thing to jab me with.
As the preparation went on however, I was started to think that I might be able to get away with this. Neither the dentist nor the hygienist had said anything, and I wasn't getting any of the all to familiar “this guy is disgusting but I don't dare tell him” looks.
That's when she said something made it all too clear that not only did she notice, she intended to take revenge.
“I think we can do this without numbing you up.”
Come again. You think you can stick a working drill into my mouth and poking around with giving me some sort of drugs? You know for some one who went to school for more years than I've been alive, you're not very smart. There's nothing you could say to make me ever agree to this madness.
“Unless of course you're scared.”
OK, well there is that.
She had me where she wanted me there. While I am all to familiar with the fact that I have a regular threshold for pain, there is no way I will admit that in public.
Except on the Internet apparently.
You know what never mind that last bit. I was totally cool with her drilling one of my favorite teeth without pain killer. It just meant I wouldn't drool on myself when I went bear punching later that day.
Yeah I'm freaking tough.
Actually with the exception of the extremely surreal feel of the drill grinding against my teeth, I didn't feel any pain. I don't know if I just that manly or she was just that good or if the whole Novocaine thing is just one big scam that we've all agreed to because its really hard to argue with a medical professional, especially one holding a drill.
Anyway, my plan for revenge is simple. I'm going to brush my teeth so good, use high powered mouth wash and even floss to make sure she never gets another crack at me.
That'll show her.
Steve Shinney is not afraid of drills anymore. He is still afraid of bees. Very afraid of bees. Comments should be left below.