Daddy wants to be a Mummy

Today while looking at the news, I had a moment of panic when I to choose between a story about the President banning guns or on about an eagle trying to grab a kid.

My life policy of “when in doubt, choose the bird” did not steer me wrong.

I also ended up reading a lot about King Ramses III because who doesn’t scour the Web trying to figure out what that crazy cat got up to last weekend?

Seriously though, he was all over the news today because apparently they just barely figured out what killed him 3000 years ago. I guess a bunch of Egyptologist had too much pomegranate wine while  watching a couple episodes of CSI: Cold Case and thought “Hey! We could totally do that!”

Turns out he had his throat slit in his harem.

I’m surprised it took them this long to make a conclusion about the giant hole in his neck.

Also, how did they know where it happened? Did he died with a smile on his face?

But at least now I have a science based plan for if a mummy attacks me.

I’m gonna slit the sucker’s throat.

In other mummy related news, I’ve decided I want to be one. It may be because I spent the evening taking care of my sick kid but I think the lack of mobility and extreme chaffing would totally be worth it to always have something to wipe a toddler’s nose with.

Geek on

Preemptive Critic: Playing for Keeps

Soccer is the greatest of all sports.

I mean millions of screaming Latin Americans can’t be wrong.

But let’s be honest here, has there ever been a good soccer movie? Soccer doesn’t have a “Rocky” (boxing), or a “The Natural” (baseball) or even a “Men with Brooms” (that weird Canadian thing with the brooms). All it’s got are “Bend it Like Beckham” and that one with Air Bud.

Romantic comedies are the greatest of all film genres.

I mean millions of screaming housewives can’t be wrong.

But let’s be honest here, unless it’s got Meg Ryan, they’re not good. Heck they’re not great with her.

So let’s take two things that make for horrible movies (three if you count Gerard Bulter, which I do) and smash them together. Finally the cinematic rotten-tuna/walrus anus combo I’ve been waiting for.

I preemptively hate this movie.