[Classic Beat] Make the world a better place, watch the ninja turtles

People are always asking me why I don't take advantage of my position as a columnist to "actually do something" by spreading my political views through the paper.

I think I'm usually asked this by people I don't agree with, because they know having the guy who admits to still being scared of mummies make a firm statement on gun control would only hurt my party's position.

I try not to get political in my writing. I don't try to make any serious points about what I feel on issues of national importance. This is mainly because I don't have any points. I may have had a point once but it was about how I could fit 17 marshmallows in my mouth at one time. I'm not sure if that counts.

I try to keep these weekly jaunts through my geeky world as issue free as possible because about the only way to make people madder than throwing hardboiled eggs at their grandma is to say something that they don't agree with about one of the three "off-topics." They are of course politics, religion and who could win in a fight, Mohammed Ali or Bruce Lee.

I did decide, however, that I was doing to do something today to make a difference in world. Something small, yes, but I have great power, and therefore great responsibility.

That being said, I feel older. I just had a birthday last week so I am older. It's kinda nice to know that there's a reason for these things.

I still find myself looking forward to my birthday even though for years now it's been ultimately disappointing. Birthdays just haven't been the same since I stopped having dinosaur themed parties with trick candles and presents wrapped in Sunday funnies.

Things just haven't been the same since I've grown up. Some of the magic has just drained out of those things that I used to take such joy in.

For example, I remember Thudercats as a deep and poignant series with elaborate characterization, intense plots and an unequaled sense of drama. I watched in recently and it was nothing but poorly drawn people with pointy ears and snouts that didn't move in sync with their clich├ęd and poorly written words.
Fortunately not everything I like before I liked girls has ended up being a total heartbreak (as has most of the things I have since). I would like to suggest a little bit of VHS nostalgia for all you out there: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles the movie

This movie will take you back to a time in your life with rubber foam was better than any computer generated images. A time when a movie could consist of both martial arts and plot, at the same time. When the theme music was rockinger and the popcorn was butteryer. We could also make up words back then.

Watching the movie again though, I found that it still held up very well, even against one of today's merits. The turtles are just as cool, as funny and still kick as much butt as any grotesque freak of nature can with actually hitting anyone with the cutting edge of their weapons.

Sure the movie was predicable. Sure it was a terrible stereotype of all things Asian. And yeah, it defies all known biological principals. We still loved it. They were ninjas. They were turtles. When you're 8, that's all that matters.

The turtles were a major part of my life, and chances are they were part of yours. Go rent their first movie. Enjoy it. Make yourself a little happier and that happiness will infect those around and the world make come to together for a change, even if only for as long as it takes to say "Cowabunga!"

Geek on.

Steve Shinney is a junior in computer science who also recommends a weekly dose of Cap'n Crunch. Comments can be sent to steveshinney@cc.usu.edu.

For being the best in the world, Olympians sure fall a lot

I was watching the Olympics late last night. It was the second showing of women’s aerial competition. I was totally impressed with most of the women’s performances and blow away by all of their guts. That sport takes balls, even if you don’t have them.

They only showed some of the jumpers. The Americans, of course, a few dramatic stories and the women who did perfect jumps. They also chose to play the jump of an athlete from Australia who had a really bad fall.

I’m not talking about a fall where she picks herself up and gives a brave smile knowing she could have done better. This woman was screaming in pain clutching her knee. They never explained exactly what happened but clearly she messed her knee up in the fall.

I felt sick watching it. I felt really bad for her. I’m confused why NBC decided to show this particular jump. I’d never heard of her. I don’t remember her name today. Her story wasn’t particularly interesting and I don’t remember her being about to break any world records or anything. The picked her jump because of the fall.

I can understand NBC’s decision. Monday night’s ice dancing fall-a-thon was the best night of TV ever as far as I was concerned. This was different though.

My day started off pretty good.

I had Fruit Loops for breakfast, which has always been one of my favorite cereals, despite the fact that it features the ever-popular lemon in milk flavor.

Actually to be fair I didn’t have Fruit Loops, I can’t afford cereal that comes from boxes. I get my cereal as Mother Nature intended it, from a giant plastic bag.

You all know the bag I’m talking about. The huge sack of discount cereal that doesn’t fit in your cupboards so you have to drape it on top of the fridge, hoping you can eat it fast enough that it won’t fall and kill you.

Geek on.

I gave blood the other day.

I literally allowed, some complete stranger to take one eighth of my blood - a vital fluid I remind you - with no sound of resistence from me.

It never ceases to amaze me what I'm willing to do for a cookie.

Geek on!

Sometimes things happen

The Geek looked around at the mess he had made. He knew he should have known better, and yet still he had done it. He wiped a tear from his eye as he tried to think of a way to fix it all.

Suddenly a soft and gentle hand rested on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry,” Pandora said. “I had a box once...”

I’m actually not depressed about this, I’m just happy people are using the comments section. Even if it is to air their grievances.