Vote for me, if you want to live

I love fall, I know it sounds morbid, but I just love it how all the plants shrivel and die around me while I get along just fine with a light jacket.

It makes me feel genetically superior.

Fall is also the time of year when the eggnog comes back to the stores, hockey starts up again and all those freakin' bees get what's coming to them and die lonely, freezing deaths.

It's pretty much perfect.

Every four years, however, my perfect season gets ruined like a wedding cake with a dove in it.

If you really need more of a setup than that to windge about the Presidential election, you really haven't been paying attention.

Now I don't mean to sound like I'm criticizing the whole system. I love democracy, but democracy comes from Greece and we American tend to screw up must things that we get from other countries.

I think our track record with “Mexican” food backs be up on this.

No where south of Arizona will you find anything like unto the Chalupa.

The problem is rather than being based on debate and compromise, our political system is basically a game of hot potato, only with media people instead of music and in place of a potato, drugs and hookers.

Either that or its a race to make the other party's candidate look like he steps on puppies for exercise.

If we're going to make it seem like one guy is good as Gandhi and the other guy is as evil Megatron (I was going to say Hitler but then according to to Godwin's Law, I'd have to stop writing) then we should skip this whole election crap and have them settle this as true good and true evil should: with a light saber fight.

Actually I'd just wait to see who pulls out a red one, and then vote for the other one.

It would save time so I could go watch the bloody-knuckles match to see who gets to be VP.

Another thing about this whole process that is really in need of a make over is the mascots. An elephant and a donkey? That's really the best we could come up with?

I still don't get why our two political parties chose these two animals. Why would anyone chose to associate politicians with the two dumbest, stubbornest, stinkiest animals who are good for nothing beyond carried heavy loads and making tons of cheap fertiliz–

Oh wait. Never mind, I just figured it out.

I've also never understood why people will say that their candidate is the because people in another country want them to win.

Maybe you've forgotten, but people from other countries are the last folks we should be listening to about who to put in charge of our country.

It's kind of like the other team telling you you should let the fat kid pitch in kickball. They say it's because they think it would be good experience for him but really they just want to see how many line drives they can bounce off his head while they run up the score.

For the most part, I think that most people in both parties (yes I am aware that there are more than two, but as part of the voting American public, I don't care) are good people who are honestly doing what they think is best.

The problem is the people around them are so greasy you could fry a chicken on them on a hot day.

These people are salesmen, and salesmen are the natural enemy of engineers. We're like camels and ducks.

The only thing more annoying than all the dickweeds out there trying to get me to vote are all the super dickweeds just trying to get me to vote at all. I'm going to go to set myself up

Voting may look like a multiple choice test, but you can't just go ABBACABA like you did on the SATs. That's how countries end up like France.

This is why the write in option is the only option makes any sense. Mario and Captian Kangaroo in '08.

Geek on.

Steve Shinney is not running for office. If he were he'd run under the “No Soup for Monkey” platform and call the organization the Toga Party. Comments can and should be left below.

1 comment:

lifeofdi said...

I would not vote for you based on that platform. Either way you read it, it's bad. Why would you deny soup for monkeys? Or why would you deny people the right to trade soup for monkeys? In any case. I cannot vote for you.