Whelp, it’s the second week of November which means I can finally start considering the waves of campaign signs that have infested my world for the last two months as what they really are:
Red white and blue litter.
I don’t mean to sound anti-elections. I love elections. I just hate election time.
I think every two years (even though it turns out we have elections every year. Who knew?) everyone other the age of eighteen (and especially those over 60) goes election stupid.
We chose sides, we wear obnoxious buttons, we even stand in the street and yell at each other like shopkeepers in a country only Indiana Jones would visit.
And the voter guilt. Heaven forbid you decide your not informed enough to make a proper decision and decide to stay home. You, sir, are the scum of the earth. You don’t deserve to live in this great country where every man and woman has the right to let their voice be heard!
Now get your butt down to the grade school and vote for who I tell you to vote for
Fortunately I did vote this year. In fact for the first time I voted by mail a couple days before the election. It was nice, I got all the joys of looking down on people who didn’t vote with out all that hassle of actually going some where and smelling old people.
There is a downside to voting by mail -- two actually if you count the fact that filling in bubbles on a sheet of paper still gives me an stress headache. Since I voted days prior, late at night when I should have been playing Starcraft 2, I don’t actually remember who I voted for in several races. And now that results are in, I’m not sure if I should be happy or not.
I’m also not sure how I should feel about knowing who a voted for. On the one hand, I know that I’m not one of those stupid, straight-party ticket voters (more on this later). On the other though, I can not, with 100% assureity, say that I didn’t not just trust the future of my state to eenie-meenie-miney-mo.
Plus this doesn’t exactly speak volumes for my ability to do the basic things required by adulthood. I’m not going to read too much into it. I know I’m smart. I can program complex software, understand most episodes of Nova and perform 6 hit combos in Street Fighter 4. Who I voted for just happens to be one of those things I can’t remember, like where I put my keys or that the end of the first Matrix is actually really dumb.
In fact this may through into doubt whether or not I should be trusted with the responsibility to even vote at all.
Maybe I’m not...maybe the country is like my little league baseball team and would have been better off if I had just stayed home.
Nah, I voted. And according to all the celebrities, that’s all that matters.
I promised I say something about straight ticket voters. I don’t mean to speak ill of people who want to save themselves the labor of filling out 12 bubbles, but I’m just against it in principle.
I just can’t understand having so much faith in a political party that you will vote for them regardless of who the individual candidate is. I mean, I love the New York Yankees, but if the kid who used to pants me at the bus stop stepped up to the plate in pinstripes, you better believe I’m hoping he takes a bean-ball to the crotch.
It’s the same thing with parties. You can vote for each candidate from a party if you want, but be sure to vote for each candidate from the party. It’s just a matter of principle.
Principle. The same reason I always write in Jean-Luc Picard in one unopposed race every year. Principle.
Holy crap it feels good to type that again.
Steve Shinney is happy he voted, happy he wrote, and happy that eggnog is back in the stores. Comments below make him happy too.