Preemptive Critic: Playing for Keeps

Soccer is the greatest of all sports.

I mean millions of screaming Latin Americans can’t be wrong.

But let’s be honest here, has there ever been a good soccer movie? Soccer doesn’t have a “Rocky” (boxing), or a “The Natural” (baseball) or even a “Men with Brooms” (that weird Canadian thing with the brooms). All it’s got are “Bend it Like Beckham” and that one with Air Bud.

Romantic comedies are the greatest of all film genres.

I mean millions of screaming housewives can’t be wrong.

But let’s be honest here, unless it’s got Meg Ryan, they’re not good. Heck they’re not great with her.

So let’s take two things that make for horrible movies (three if you count Gerard Bulter, which I do) and smash them together. Finally the cinematic rotten-tuna/walrus anus combo I’ve been waiting for.

I preemptively hate this movie.