2012: The year I stopped trying and started lying

Well if you’ve been online at all these last few days you can’t help but have noticed. It’s all over the news. It’s all people have been talking about in the social media. It’s even gotten it’s own Google Doodle.

It’s 2013.

I always find New Year’s to be an interesting time. I’m not quite sure how I should feel about it. On the one hand I like top ten lists and sparkling cider. On the other hand I hate people telling me I should try to lose weight for the next two weeks before giving up and eating Oreos by the stack.

Where the new year has made it’s presence felt the most would have to be my old nemesis: The Grimace.

No wait, I meant Facebook.

Clearly I’ve had too many nemeses.

It seems like everyone has been posting their big 2012 milestones and accomplishments which I suppose is all fine and dandy if you’ve got them.

The problem is, there becomes a time in your life we’re you’ve already done pretty much all the big things you’re gonna do. 

I’m almost 31, I’ve already crossed off most of my planned steps off my list. Last time I checked, all I had left was “Grandkids” “Punch a celebrity” and “Die”.

But rather than what I’ve done the last two years and just wallow in self pity, this year I’m going to be more proactive.

I’m going to lie.

Facebook friends don’t know what’s actually going on in your life. If they did, they’d be real friends. So you can tell them you did whatever you want. What are they going to do? Not thumbs up your picture of dinner on St. Patrick’s Day?

So here’s a brief list of what I accomplished this year, in no particular order.

Learned four new languages: Korean, Persian, Tagalog and Proper English.

Read the whole Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Crime and Punishment, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, the Dead Sea Scrolls, the Necronomicon and Freakonomics.

Invested in a large number of successful stocks, the best performing of which was my neighbor kid’s lemonade stand.

Invented, trained for and successfully ran a tiger marathon where you run 26.2 miles with a tiger chasing you.

Built the largest tree house on the moon.

Kicked a moose

Burped the alphabet.

Phew, what a year. 

Hey that worked, I feel better about myself already.

Bring it on 2013. I’ve totally got this.