Houses and other stupid ideas

There are a lot of accomplishments in my life that I'm proud of. One of the highest of these is that I don't have to listen to my neighbors have sex anymore.

Basically I'm home owner.

Back when I was a renter, I considered home ownership to be a sound investment, a chance to take pride in something and the opportunity to build the crap out of some equity.

I'm going to be honest here, I don't know what equity is.

Now that I own a home though, I know the truth. Home ownership is a lot of financial worry, the chance for a lot of work for no pay and the opportunity to electrocute yourself.

It has been worth every dollar we’ve put into that mortgage.

Thanks to my house I don’t have to live in an apartment complex anymore.

Counting dorms, I lived in apartments for 9 years and I have no intention of going back. I lived in some absolute dumps that brought a little bit of the third world to Utah.

Those were the good ones.

Here is a list of things I don’t miss about apartment life in the order I wrote them down in:

Living the floor below fat people.

Having theoretic access to a pool that is always closed because some kid pooped in it.

Sleeping on the floor.


Sleeping on a chalkboard.

Living in a place where someone got shot, another guy was in a hit and run and a meth lab blew up in 18 month period.

Tripping over other people’s garbage.

Being able to leave the milk on the counter over night because there was no heat.

Throwing rotten fruit in the garbage disposal so we could pass the cleaning inspection.

Cleaning inspections just in general.

Paying rent.

Listening to neighbors threaten to call the cops on each other but never doing anything about it so I have to.

Learning the cops don’t care if your neighbor is sitting in front of his door in his underwear and producing visible cartoon stink lines.

There are more, but I’m starting to fill ill, angry and kinda hungry just thinking about all this stuff.

So, in conclusion, buy a house and never have to smell someone you’re not related to ever again.

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