As a man who owns more Ethernet cables than pants, it pains me to say this. I think we've taken this whole Internet thing about as far as it can go.
It's clear now that we will never be able to download bacon, so I think it's about time we just walk away.
You're not buying it are you?
Ok, I'll level with you.
The main reason I know that the Internet is on it's last virus delivering legs is that even I – the guy who taught Numa Numa how to dance – have fallen to the lowest level of Internet usage.
I'm on Facebook.
If I can succumb to the temptation, what chance to you guys have?
About as much chance as monkey bench-pressing a sumo wrestler which explains why Facebook got so popular in the first place.
When I first heard about Facebook, I was Carl Sagan level skeptical about the whole thing. Social networking was stupid and had already ruined outer space for us geeks. Now it was going after books.
Still as I saw more and more of my friends setting up Facebook pages, I began to wonder what the attraction was. What made it so much better than MySpace?
And people were very clear that it was better than MySpace. They were borderline religious about the whole thing. They were like people with Teevo.
Facebook is like MySpace in that it lets people who think PHP is something hippies use pretend that they can make a Web site.
It's different from MySpace in that there are a lot less perverts looking at pictures of skanky girls they don't know (although there are more perverts looking at pictures of skanky girls that they do know).
It's better than MySpace in that I use it.
I think this first point, along with the ability to prove that you really do know more about movie trivia than your friends, are what makes Facebook so popular. Its a commonly held belief that Web developers are the sexiest people on the planet. People have long yearned to be as respected as the members of this noble profession.
I've always resisted such social networking sites as Facebook and MySpace because I pride myself on being a highly skill computer user. I didn't need help, I could make a Web site the old fashion way, with blood and sweat and ones and zeros.
And I'd make it cool and neat and stuff.
5 years later I've come to a realization that I am painfully lazy and this was never getting done.
I tried really hard to dig into all the HTML, JS, CSS and LMAO that I needed to build a really great site, but whenever I sat down to get to work I would write two lines of code and then realize that somehow I was playing WOW.
Honey, what are you doing? I thought you said you were going to work on your Web site.
I am dear.
Then why do I see a dragon?
He's trying to steal my code, that's why I have to kill him.
So I do have to admit Facebook is a lot easier than building write a Web page the old fashion way, just like buying your food is easier than hunting for it.
Although I do still feel like a bit of a wiener when I eat a muffin instead of skinning a deer.
Another thing I love about Facebook is how easy it makes social interaction. In Facebook there's no range for how well you know a person or how much you like them.
In real life it's way more complicated. In my life there are many different words I use to describe people: friends, acquiescences, buddies, coworkers, people I ride the bus with, neighbors, people who work at stores I go to a lot, neighbors who I sneak around trying to avoid, my wife, ward-mates and people I think are douche-bags for not returning their shopping carts.
On Facebook, everyone is either your friend or a total stranger.
It's actually very cleansing.
Steve Shinney is just happy that now he can finally number all the friends that he's ever had in his whole life. The answer, according to Facebook, is 21.