The only Bell I want to toll for me is Taco.

I make it a point not to speak ill of the dead. Or of the people who killed them.

I’m not a hypochondriac or anything like that, but I’ve been thinking about death a lot lately.

This is partially because I’m getting older, experiencing more of life and realizing that time only goes in one direction, pulling all of with it in an unending march to that final destination that we all know lies ahead. I’ve seen loved ones come and go and learned first hand that it is the fact that this is all temporary that makes life beautiful and worth living in the first place.

It’s also because I’ve been playing a lot of Mortal Kombat lately.

There’s just something about ripping the still beating heart from your enemy’s chest to make you realize how precious the time we have here is.

As I’ve been considering this ultimate end credits I’ve decided all that sentimental stuff I said above was bull dookie. I wanna live forever. There is just too much in life that I want to experience, with more coming around all the time. I want to climb the Alps. I want to eat one of those six foot long hoagies. I want to learn how to play the Pokemon card game.

Besides, all the cool kids are immortal: Duncan McCloud, Doctor Who, LL Cool J.

Now that my living forever has been decided, I just need to figure out how. I figure having grown up in Idaho, I can count all that time as being cryogenically frozen, so that’s a good start. Plus if you are what you eat, and I eat mostly things with tons of preservatives, I should be in pretty good shape to end up being preserved as is.

So I’m just going to drink from every stream I find hoping it’s the fountain of youth and sleeping each night wrapped in toilet paper, just in case.

Oh and if I see that Harry Potter kid, I’m totally kicking his butt. Not for Philosopher's Stone, the Seventh Book just sucked.