Time to Grin and Bare It

So I screwed up and dropped my pretty decent update schedule, so to make it up to everyone I’m going to solve all the world’s problems.

And at the low low cost of letting me see you naked.

Not just me of course, me knowing what everyone’s naughty bits look like isn’t going to solve anything. I am however convinced that many problems will go away with everyone knowing what everyone’s naughty bits look like.

This is what I’m proposing, we finally let the internet be what it’s always wanted to be, a place of true equality, a place without boundaries and place where you can truly see every naked person that has ever been naked.

Here’s how it would work, on everyone’s 18th birthday, they strip down and a professional photographers snaps a couple photos. Nothing glamorous and nothing fancy, just a long enough photoshoot that people stop holding their gut in.

The point here isn’t to be sexy, it’s to be honest. All these photos will say is “This is what so and so looks like in the nude.”

These photos will be posted in a gallery on a publicly accessible web page with your name. These galleries will have new photos added every year.

Now I’m sure many of you are hesitant to support this. Probably because you, like me, instantly thought of about 75 people you really don’t want to see naked.

Allow me to assuage your fears with the following advantages to my plan:

1) Once you get past the initial mortification that comes with everyone you’ve ever know looking at your butt, imagine how liberating this will feel. You will literally have nothing left to hide. I predict a dramatic rise in honesty among everyone.

2) Think of all the pudgy people who will finally have a reason to start working out. That is going to solve a lot of the medicare problems.

3) Question: How many wars, genocides and traffic jams have been cause by idiot men trying to prove who has the biggest wang? Answer: all of them. In my future, you just trade links and be done with it.

And you’ll know for sure now. So it’s more accurate than the old way too.

4) There will finally be jobs for all those people who majored in photography but got jobs in human resources.

5) People in the 40s will have documented proof that at one point, they had a kickin’ bod.

In interest of being fair and balance, I present the only known flaws of my plan.

1) For first couple months, while the true effects of the program begin to sink into society, zero work would be done while people look up people they used to go the school with.

2) Some of you will end up seeing naked.

I apologize in advance.

I think it’s worth it. I’ll be presenting the plan to the UN on Tuesday.