Preemptive Review of 'Pulse'

Continuing the fine American tradition of ripping off the Japanese in everything they do, “Pulse” is next horror movie, featuring an attractive young cast, weak plot exposition and a bunch of androgynous monsters.

In the film a lovable college student dies and begins his final journey into the cosmic beyond. Like a good boy he sends a note to all his friends to let them know that he made it safely.

His friends, who don’t understand what email spam is, open the message and release a plague of the living dead upon the world.

They probably open attachments from strangers too.


Apparently now zombies are using the Internet against us.

And you thought pop up ads were annoying.

Fortunately the endless swarms of demons or ghost or zombies or what ever these things are stand no chance against the deductive powers of Veronica Mars who’s on the case.

So let’s review the important security tips this movie provides. 1) Don’t give your password to anyone. 2) Don’t post your address on any Web site. 3) Don’t open emails from beyond the grave. 4) Never, ever, under any circumstances, punch the monkey.

I preemptively hate this movie.

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