6 things you should never say to me

None of these will be about flabby butts, I promise.

Chances are, you have someone in your life you love, but can’t help thinking about them and using words like “nerd” or “geek” or “dork” or “numbnuts.”

These people could be a family member or a dear friend who’s just seen a bit more Ninja Turtles than an adult should have. Whatever the case may be, I’m here to help. Here are six things you should never say to a geek.

I just don’t get Star Wars. No you don’t, and you never will, because you’re stupid. You probably don’t know Luke Skywalker from Han Solo.

All these Pokemon/Doctor Whos look the same to me. Remember just now, when I said you were stupid? This is why. You think a red fire breathing lizard and a yellow electric mouse look the same. Or worse, Tom Baker and David Tennent.

I love Star Wars. No you don’t. I love Star Wars. Don’t think you can bond with me just because you saw the movies a couple times and you know the difference between Han Solo and Luke Skywalker. Get real.

Will you fix my computer? What kind of thing is this to ask someone. Just because a person has a skill you think they should use it for your benefit? You make me sick.

Wow, you must really like ___. You can put whatever you want in that blank. Just because I like something, doesn’t mean I want to talk about it. You probably wouldn’t be interested anyways.

Will you teach me about computers. No way Jose. Computers are how I make my living. I’m not going to show you how the trick is done just so you can take jobs away from hard working nerds.

*End Scene*

And so people don’t go all “Modest Proposal” on me, this was satire. I won’t get mad if you say any of these things to me. Heck, I’d be glad if you said anything to me. There’s a good chance I like you.

You see articles like this on the Net all the time though. Just yesterday I read one directed at one group of people and a couple week ago I read one from the other side. They both expressed the exact same fears and insecurities, and even had some of the same “things not to say.”

These people should have been friends, instead they did nothing but stir up animosity through the Internet.

Seriously people, grow the fetch up.

Don’t make the same mistake I just did of listing off things people can say to you that will unknowingly piss you off. Don’t setup and emotional minefield around yourself and arch your back and hiss like a cat whenever someone slightly different than you comes around. We’re all people. Heck, we’re all losers who spend way too much time looking at pictures of a walrus and a bucket. We should really be looking for things to bring us together, not rip us apart.

Life is too hard without adding problems to it. Give people the benefit of the doubt, they just might return the favor.

Wow, that was the most serious I’ve been in a while. Next week, flabby butt jokes return, I promise.

Oh, and yes, I am happy to try to fix your computer.

Just make sure you delete your porn first.