Ducking is good advice; Goosing is sexual harrassment

I am a torn and conflicted man.

I live in a self created world of lies built upon contrast and a bed of confusion.

I’m a walking contradiction on a lonely road to becoming a basket case.

I don’t know how. I don’t know why. I’m not even sure of when. And yet, it’s just the way I am.

I love ducks, but I hate geese.

Now I’m sure some of you who grew up more than a mile away from the nearest tetanus hazard are probably thinking “Hey Steve, aren’t geese, just a kind of duck that somehow got crossed with a balloon animal?”

If only it were that simple.

I don’t know exactly how to explain this, but ducks are a proud and noble bird. One that is an example of true fidelity, outsmarts countless men with guns every year and somehow - despite their lack of opposable thumbs - always manages to put their recyclables in the proper bin.

Geese, on the other hand, drop turds all over any grass they encounter, push all the buttons when they get off an elevator and I’m pretty sure all that honking they do translates into some pretty racist stuff.

Plus there’s just something about an animal that bites that hard and has a head at the exact level as my junk that makes me really nervous.

Oh and don’t get me started on swans. Those guys think they should get all the bread. Listen buddy, you may have been an ugly duckling, but you’re even uglier now, on the inside.

So I’m thinking of renaming my blog. I don’t talk about geeky stuff as often as I used to and I’ve played enough Rock Band to prove once and for all that I don’t have the beat. I’m thinking something along the lines of “High Fiving Ducks” or “Farting at Geese” or something classy like “SwansAreDicks.com”.

Let me know what you think.

That part isn’t a joke, I really want a new domain and would really like feedback.